that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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