And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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