i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Two words: blizzard sex
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
