we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
