he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
How's work?
Spinning.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
