I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
