I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
