At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize