please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think I sprained my soul last night
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
