No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize