Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
