She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
