I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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