giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
