I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So vagazzling was a success
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Randomize
