: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
