i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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