How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
