So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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