i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
