I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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