8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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