woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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