I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
