My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
