OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
