Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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