I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
