marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
