Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
