I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
