I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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