Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
