Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
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