some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
