Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
