I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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