What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
