very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
