God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
She needs sedatives and a leash
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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