i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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