it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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