Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
