I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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