And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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