So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
