I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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