i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
