I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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