my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
