Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize