I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
