my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
