you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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