So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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