There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
