I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
