Jerry, you need to find god
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
