i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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