I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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