i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She announced her abortion via fbk
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
