dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
