If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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