Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
