I queefed so loud it echoed.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
