And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
