I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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