Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
