He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
