never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
