I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
