she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
