The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
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