her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
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