I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
