Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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