Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
