wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
