No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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