Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
