You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
