Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
