someone owes me an orgasm
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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