Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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