WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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