I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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