Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
