i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We're too hungover to prance.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
