Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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