I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
